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And to me the "why" is that he is not passionately interested in you two being a happy, healthy, vibrant, committed couple. And if you were to ask me, I'd say I have a feeling he might be seeing others too or thinking of breaking up, on his terms. He'd get nervous whenever I was near his phone, and one time my friend spotted him at a club kissing another girl. He's hoping you get discouraged and leave him so he doesn't have to be the bad guy and break things up. Dating when your heart isn't available isn't my thing." ---I understand how you feel. He's not being exclusive with you in his heart or his actions.This news came at a time he was acting very distant. He's doing just enough to keep you from leaving him. Would it seem strange if I said I'm still not interested in dating anyone else because I want to remain available in case he comes to his sense?I made that need known last weekend in a calm, rational way.
He’ll probably let you go and resume his new life on I had a man write me from whose wife had passed 3 weeks earlier – they had a 38 year marriage – and she died from a recently diagnosed cancer!
He would take me on these nice weekend getaways whenever I would confess I might have been wrong about us... I admit, I went along with it because I was seeking his attention/affection." ---What he's doing here is this -- when faced with the prospect of losing you, he extends himself towards you and once he feels he's satisfied you for the moment, he slacks off. If a man tells you that you should be dating others it means one thing -- he's no longer interested in dating and he's looking for a way out. We had never spent New years together before this year, it meant alot to me that I got that this year.
That's what's going on but the question to ask is this, Laura -- why? He wasn't exclusive but he tried to hide it from me. The regrettable thing is he's not mature enough, not honest enough to say it straight forwardly and let you decide how you feel about it and also let you make a decision that works best for your life. and I sunk to undescribable levels of paranoid-jealousy. Love notes, made me cry and it made me re-think the whole relationship." ---He's likely been doing this for a long time, Laura. But still, even with the nicest 2 months of our entire relationship, I needed time apart to think and he accepted." ---Again, do you see what he's doing? He likes having you, and forgive me for saying this, but he likes having you as part of his group of women to date.
But this is the norm for widowers –for one of two reasons: either the marriage itself wasn’t that healthy and he was immediately ready to move on, OR, like men of a certain age, he put everything had into his marriage and nothing into any other relationships. As such, you are presumably the first woman he’s been with for many years.
So when a woman survives her husband, she’s got a circle of friends from the neighborhood, from work, from her card game, from her book club, from her salsa classes. Regardless, he dictates the terms of the relationship based on HIS needs and schedule. To his credit, he’s taking things slow, to avoid diving into another serious relationship that he may end up regretting.