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“‘Bisexual’ is just code for insincere gay man” is how he said one of his relatives reacted.
“He didn’t use the term ‘gay man,’” 24-year-old Santiago told me, “but I won’t repeat slurs.”by family members, friends, partners, and even strangers.
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But when his coworkers discovered his dating history at a board game night, they told him he couldn’t be bisexual. “You’re just a confused gay guy.” Travis, 34, had brought his girlfriend with him that night, but they started calling her his “roommate” after they found out he was bi.
Santiago got an even harsher reaction when he came out to his family.
But just as bisexual activism was gaining a foothold in the 1980s, the AIDS crisis hit, and everything changed—especially for bisexual men.
Those deaths hindered the development of male bisexual activism at a particularly critical moment.
To understand why bisexual men are still being told that their sexual orientation doesn’t exist, we have to go back to the gay liberation movement of the late 1960s. , “gays and lesbians campaigned for acceptance by suggesting that they were ‘just like you,’ but with the single (but extremely significant exception) of [having] partners of the same sex.” Under this framework, attraction to a single gender was the unifying glue between gay men, lesbians, and straight people—bisexual people were just “confused.”Bisexual people realized that they would have to form groups and coalitions of their own if they wanted cultural acceptance.
One of the most tragic things about society’s refusal to accept bisexual men is that we don’t even know why it is still so vehement.
Dodge believes that his new study offers some hints—the persistent and widespread endorsement of the HIV “bridge” myth is alarming—but he told me that he would need “more qualitative and more focused research” before he could definitively state that HIV stigma is the primary factor driving negative attitudes toward bisexual men. The last major study on the subject prior to the survey Dodge’s team conducted was published in 2002.) In the meantime, bisexual advocates have developed plenty of compelling theories, many of them focused on the dominance of traditional masculinity.
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Many of the bisexual men I interviewed endorsed this same hypothesis.